slowly surely + xyz : a journey of (re)discovery

I AM. Masterful

By InspiredJourney

 

As he walked through the door and approached the desk, he ask how things were going.

I told all was okay and I wanted to have a meeting with him, and the M&Ms.

He questioned.

I stated I felt we needed to clear the air before I departed.

He said okay, we set a time and I was charged with informing M&M.

Upon opening the reception that morning, I noticed I had been deleted from the schedule.

Yes, Margeaux being obvious in her overly juvenile passive aggression.

I added that to my mental notes of talking points to address in this meeting.

A few hours later Margeaux and I are seated, waiting. She hops up offering to grab water for all. I decline. Magdalene drags up minutes later as I walk off to find Fritz.

I’m roaming the grounds, and am soon met by Fritz. Upon seeing him, he feels compelled to let me know he wants to lead the meeting gently. Not sure why he felt inclined to ‘guide me’ in this way, I agree and inform I am fully aware and capable of being diplomatic. This was not going to ratchet up to an emotionally charged screaming cat fight; at least I wouldn’t be involved in that.

We sit round table, covered by beach umbrellas shielding us from the high sun.

My mouth suddenly feels as if it had been significantly stuffed with the most absorbent cotton sock; dry as white as a Cottonmouth Snake.

Fritz opens by stating that I’d come to him asking that we all sit down to address some concerns, and in a way that all persons were present. My intent was to quell the back and forth gossip and lying ping ponging between M&M.

I open by letting Margeaux know that given her interest in opening her own hostel, she was wholly failing in her attempt at management; exhibited her strategy to turn the tables on when I was checked her about the level of gossip coming from her. I also state it was my intention to clear the air and my certain that my name is clear with regard to my duty to the hostel itself.

I asked her why I had seemingly vanished from the schedule. Her response: she hadn’t finished it.

Mmmhnnnn.

I asked her if she realized that evening would be my last.

With a puzzled look on her face: no.

*Durp*

Me: Right, [idiot]. It’s obvious. You don’t know.
In your haste to somehow punish me for what you deemed my taking advantage of; the situation and not honoring my obligation, was a complete uniformed and emotional effort to put me in my place. However, as I taught you earlier, Magdalene had approached me with doing another job that she hadn’t informed you of.
As a person walking in a new situation and learning who is who and does what, it was strange to unknowingly walk into the power dynamic between the two of you. This dynamic persists because no one steps up and makes the pronouncement that ‘no, this is not how any of this works’, with regard to jobs volunteers are responsible for.

All eyes are on me.

I tell her that I didn’t appreciate her going on, and for all intents and purposes, parenting and telling to not pay for the broken lock and locksmith. This, after I had emphatically stated I would. I let her know how inappropriate it is for her to believe she had any footing to tell me what to do and not.

In her breathy and French accent she quips: I was only trying to help.

I interrupt: that was not helping. That was parenting. I’m an adult capable of making my decision. I felt it my responsibility to leave this place as I found it or better. And that my nature is to put right anything I felt I had made wrong, in error.

Defensive, she wanted to persist.

Fritz interjects: Yeah, we had a policy that any damage by a volunteer was up to that person to pay for. It is not to any one of us to tell another adult how to spend their money. If she felt that to be her responsibility, it was her choice. No one should have anything to say about it. No one should persist, especially after being told to leave it alone. And no one has to explain their actions. We are all adults here, capable of making our own decisions and that should be the end of it.

Margeaux, in her usual yielding posture to males, resigned to Fritz’s statements. She seemed to readily accept his position.

Wow. LOL.

I was even more sickened by the additional confirmation of the spinelessness I had gleaned when I first got hint of her disposition upon meeting and seeing her interact with Fritz. This was during my first day at the hostel and her being asked why she hadn’t assigned a place for me to stay. It took all of my strength to remain poised watching her in action. Read about it, starting here: I AM. Poised.

I then pivot to Magdalene: And you. I had enough of the drama that you seemingly need, the moment you approached inquiring about Ever, the guy you stated Margeaux mentioned seeing me with. Between the two of you, there has been nothing but mess about absolutely nothing stirred, constantly.
Were you not the one who asked if I would like to take on the 6 to 8am shift, since I’m the only one up at that hour?

Magdalene starting with bullshit: Yes. I figured you wouldn’t mind because you’re the only person awake and I thought it would be helpful to everyone to have the desk open at that hour. We had someone else do it and it was a big help.

Me: Yes.

Margeaux interrupts: But you never told anyone about it.

Me: You two seem to jockeying for some position and I’m caught in the middle of you not communicating with one another. After speaking with you, I inform Margeaux later that day that I’ll be working from 6 to 8. She seems perplexed. I’m not knowing what the energy was about. Margeaux appears to be in a management role, but you’ve stated you’re the only paid person here, and the default manager.

Magdalene: Oh noooo, I’m not the manager.

Me: Did you not tell me Regina hired you as the manager?

Magdalene: Yes, but the night bar manager.

Me: That is not what you told me.

Magdalene went on to try clarifying plead her case or deflect to Fritz and Margeaux with some off-topic point.

I stop her: No, that is not the point here.

Fritz joins as the chorus, “ Naah…that’s not what is being talked about.”

I explained the logistics of the place is what they should be communicating rather than nothing gossip about a guy I was seen with. The guy I had obviously or was going to fuck. FWIW, it didn’t happen as it was not my interest, with him or during this time of reconnecting with myself.

Magdalene made some pointless statement.

At that point, M&M fell into a slight spat, because Margeaux didn’t appreciate Magdalene had out-snaked her … lol. They had supposedly mended the rift between them, agreeing to keep to the business of the hostel at hand. Hearing me was the only honest moment between the two, and that pushed Margeaux.

Knowing anger was at Homeland Security warning red at hearing me leave no room for anyone to lie or snake out of being honest, I persist.

At this point Margeaux scowled while dismissing Magdalene attempts to worm, stating: Yeah yeah, we had talked and supposedly agreed to be on the same page. But here we are again with you doing more of the same. I’m hearing and seeing you’ve continued with this nonsense.

My thoughts: But why you mad Margeaux? You are just as snakey.

I’m filled with some joy.

Fritz: There are only two people in charge here; my girlfriend and/or me if she’s not here. Everyone else is a volunteer. Yes you (looking at Magdalene), get paid to tend the bar at night. But that doesn’t make you a manager. You still come to us with an issue, etc.

This is where I sit back to allow them to finally vocalize the issue of no real direction from the ‘top’, as it were. Meaning, Fritz was now the one needing to fill the gaps to put an end to this perpetual mess.

He thanks me for my time and attempts to resolve the issue of my being upset over the lock issue and he display of anger. He cited he’d German and curses, and that I and no one else should take it personally, as he wasn’t directing his anger at me, per se.

That was bull in my view. I have a strict code about the rules of engagement. No one gets tot curse or dismiss me then apologize. There is no excuse for being awful and thinking an apology makes it okay.

I leave the three of them to discuss what Margeaux finally vocalizes; needing a meeting to get on the same page going forward.

It was a great moment. I cleared the perception I was a loafer, while articulating my anger and cracking the faces of these lying destructive women.

Given the mastery at the round table, that a chess tournament played out on my final evening at Hostel I Shan’t Misseth was quite the poetic scene.



2 responses to “I AM. Masterful”

  1. Teodora says:

    Love the way you organized your blog, starting every post with I am. Ingenious and creative!

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