slowly surely + xyz : a journey of (re)discovery

I AM. Humandoing | Winning


By InspiredJourney

 

Towards the end of August 2016, days before his 18th birthday, Grem traveled across the globe with a cohort to Senegal, through a gap year program. One of my many manifestations coming to life.

I, on the other had, sat.

Waiting. Still waiting. Waiting on…I’m not sure. But I was waiting for the magic time to embark on my own journey. The thoughts of wanting to insure everything would be intact for Grem to assume living on his own in the apartment, with its strict landlord tenant rules regarding an absent original lessee. This could mean devastation, as it could trigger a just cause eviction.

Waiting.

Waiting for some magical moment in time.

September, the month I had designated my month of departure had come and gone. I had found a bit of comfort being in the space, without the conflict that would inevitably arise between The Know All Teen Grem and me.

October, November and December expired.

Waiting.

January hit!

I suddenly grew very impatient with myself.

I searched for the first affirming ticket out of San Francisco.

And by affirming I mean, given the fact that I have yet to become independently wealthy financially, my plans for nomadic travel until I discovered the place that resonates as home to my soul, I’d be budget traveling, to not blow through money unnecessarily. In would also only go forward when doors/roads opened effortlessly. Long gone are the days of me “crashing through obstacles”, as Grem said at age 12, after witnessing my make moves to ensure we made a flight from Paris, France back to San Francisco. Remember, uninvited anxiety crashed the party and I stopped crashing because something had broken as a result.

Remembering that I had met a former neighbor at the stop of a shuttle bus from Los Angeles, it occurred to me to have a look.

Success!

January 1, I looked for any last-minute deals, including for that day. Nothing. But then, a $1 ticket appeared. I was amazed. To see this was affirming in all positive ways I needed: the total cost was $4, I could be chauffeured to and explore a place I had only driven through a couple of times and I’d get to meet and Couchsurf with an LA native artist and mom. Winning!

Mother nature decided to soothe and ease California’s years long drought, with torrential rains, at the moment I was to hit the road.

Rain, rain, everywhere. I respectfully passed a few dearly departed umbrellas, belonging to San Franciscans that opted put of sidewalk funerals.

Wet and cold, LA was no different from Sf.

No complaints from me.

While surfing with my first host (LA), I was inspired, as she was preparing for an exhibit. Pleased with the universe, I gave so much thanks for that moment.

That open door inspired me to look for an affirming ticket to cross the border into Mexico. And again, success!

As you read this, I am coming to the end of, an extended couchsurf with what I experience as a sister from a Latinx mother performance artist and her daughter, an aspiring bake here in Mexico City.

I, again, looked for an affirming open door to the next destination. Oaxaca it is, on a $36 flight, where I will work to expand, learning to speak a bit more of the language while occupying myself doing a bit of work exchange at a hostel.

I hope you walk away from reading this as my concerted effort to inspire and say yes to doing more than simply exist, as before. These are all new experiences of my ‘second adolescence’.

I am certain there will be more uncomfortable moments. I prepared myself for difficult moments, and aim to take them in stride because: these doors have opened due to my asking, setting the intention, did/do my level best to give more than I take and manifest that which will feed me and those I meet along the way, wholesomely.

The bread had been fulfilling.

I AM officially a human-doing, rather than being.

Fin.

 



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