slowly surely + xyz : a journey of (re)discovery

I AM. Born


By InspiredJourney

Today.

02.20 the day of my birth.

I was told I was born with a head full of curly dark hair.

I believe it.

Big hair then. Big hair now.

 

[Pondering me, what shaped me, how I arrived at me today]

 

The youngest and most entitled of ‘all my families’.

It shows, in that I’ve always lived with this slight sense of entitlement, with select people.

Never quite sure how this aspect of my personality developed, but it’s true.

I compartmentalize theaux, expecting these people to never say no.

In nearly all other situations in my life, I give more than I ask or take and have zero issues with not having everything my way. However, with those closest, I demand (lol) expect the world.

 

[02.19 Enter the randomness of life]

 

You know you’re alive when life ticks on as it does.

Yesterday, I received an instant message from Grem:

[Ping!]

Is my debit card been blocked again?

I respond: I don’t know.

Expecting him to inquire further, because my normal position to put out fires, because, Mom assist in resolving issues before they became a serious full-on blazes.

This time I left it without a follow-up, thinking he’d ask why I didn’t know, or for help, because, child and Why(?!) continuing to be his all-time go to demanding question of me.

There are times I literally have to voice “You’re not my parent”, but digress.

To my surprise, he said nothing other than it seemed blocked because he wasn’t able to complete an online purchase.

End scene.

New scene.

He chimes in after a longer pause; repeating the exact sentiment about discontinuing the gap year service early, he’d mentioned a few days prior.

Momdar goes off a little.

This caused a slight bit of concern, given this was his second consecutive day he’s voicing his feeling.

Grem is normally one to literally forget and move on after saying or dealing with something.

However, given it was obvious that he was bothered, I inquired further to make sure there wasn’t a major issue I needed to step in on and help resolve.

There wasn’t major fire. However, we had a short chat about his worries.

Given this transitional point in both our lives, Grem is coming into young adulthood, where more is expected of him. His ‘stress level’ (re: money, young ladies and a car) are at a serious high. Haha.

I’m amused, but recognize and honor the seriousness of it all.

His tone, fully encompassed with stress, he blurts: “I feel like I’m wasting my time here, when I could be home looking for a job, working and saving money!”

Apparently, he’s feeling the need to get back to San Francisco to work and feel more ‘productive’ (read: hang out with friends getting wavy and eating and having more of any whim of desire, oh and work and school) with his time.

It’s rough. I get it.

But again, no blaze I can extinguish.

As you know, the internet and social media always gives the impression people might being enjoying life more than one who perceives their life not as fulfilling.

Grem is needlessly suffering, thinking his friends are moving on and are thoroughly enjoying what he left behind, to now living in a remote region of Senegal for nearly one entire year.

My best attempt at being encouraging:

Money will come.

Always like yourself no matter what.

Keep a clean mind and body.

Consider ways to diversify sources of income.

He heard: Blah, blah, blah, blah.

He responded: Mommm, I knowwww. You alllways repeat this. I hearrrd you.

I couldn’t help but be tickled by this because Grem IS THE ONLY PERSON IN LIFE that could do and say some of the things he has done and said, be flippant, ignore me and be as demanding and I still continue to expend breath with and on! That is very real talk.

We settled the talk with my suggesting he remember this as an experience that enriches him personally, socially, adding a bit of status and most importantly, gives pride in knowing he completed what he started.

He agreed.

Because, me, mommm: I mention the next day being my birthday.

He was quick to respond “I know”, and in the next quick text breath spews my age all over messenger with some sense of pride. He follows with “HBD!”, and with the next text breath “You owe me $20.”, claiming to be the victor of a bet I appeased him with.

[Me, side-eyeing the screen, as it presently represents this numbers conscious Virgo, this very moment]

His battery gives and phone dies before I could send my long educating response. Knowing it might be days before he has access to internet again, I cheerfully hit the send button; having the last word in that would-be debate before the next round next time.

My birthday was a quiet day.

Calls and messages wishing me a happy day, came throughout the day.

I spent most of the day contemplating if I would create a wall garden of low maintenance plants, create a profile on a house sitting platform, book a flight, or simply how I would manage all the want to-dos on my list. This all happening while eating throughout the day and periodically being surprised (when catching a reflection of myself in a mirror) by the tan I have. It makes me constantly think of where I will go next that will feed the melanin.

So, yeah, that’s a glimpse of today’s 2017 me; still entitled and much different from mainstream, compartmentalizing and now empty nesting. Giving my young adult son a little room to express his ‘adultness’, while checking him when he needs to be reigned in.

 

Happy everyday tooo youuuuu!

Fin ♡

 



4 responses to “I AM. Born”

  1. Tanya Ince says:

    It’s great story. It made me think that we can never know what the other person is going through exactly, even if we think we know them very well. You are a very wise mom! I liked these words you shared with your son: “Always like yourself no matter what.”

    • Yes Tanya!
      He is setting off on this new ‘adulting’ phase. I do my best to listen, teach and guide. Those of us that have cirlced the moon and stars a little need the reminder.
      Be very well!

  2. DarEll says:

    I’m empty nesting, too. Sure can empathize. Enjoyed it.

    • Hey there!

      Will do my best.

      If you are blogging about your empty nest, associate your site to your profile. I’d like to read along. I tried having a look, but it leads me to WP.com

      Goodluck with everything.

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