slowly surely + xyz : a journey of (re)discovery

I AM. Benevolent

By InspiredJourney


Though this time back in SF brought me back to my state of pondering and lingering, I’m busy breathing life into ideas that were shelved.

I had the idea to develop an initiative to create a fund to pay forward the financial assistance Grem received for that hefty-priced gap year. The value assigned to it was in +/- $30k.


I am simply pleased to be inspired by people who believed the price should reflect their intention and command of respect of what that is.

Believing I’ll inspire Grem and other youth, my intent is to develop a grant program that is funded by sales of art and related products I create or source. I believe it will be a legacy I develop and pass the reigns on.

Over the last few weeks, I crystallized some thoughts and set about planning a way to give this idea a public voice.

Going public is a difficult road for me to navigate. Yet, I’m doing it.

I set a deadline, and drafted an accountability partner; I texted a neighbor, asking him to just text or call and ask where I am in my process in meeting said deadline. I didn’t give any other details, because for some odd reason, external eyes throw me into a rebel mode. I tend to respond positively to my own parameters and deadlines, rather than external ones. I mean, I show up and pride myself of being prompt and not taking other people’s time for granted. But when it comes to my art or a project I initiate, external eyes and demands spark defiance in me.

I make source images, make graphics, produce a newsletter layout, set of an active form to for submission and information gathering, draft emails responses set up automators and social media accounts. I get it all done within 2.5 hours of my midnight deadline.

I had done it. I had published and publicized this project.

Exhausted, but not worn, I felt accomplished.

By first day’s end, the social media number reach was in the hundreds. This was all being done without my broadcasting it to anyone I know. Sounds strange, but I have the mindset that I wouldn’t look to anyone I know personally to support the project, but more validate it with the unknown. I wanted to push myself and not be mired in my thoughts of not feeling supported if those I knew were not as enthusiastic about it.

I’ve read scores of posts and comments from people who are hurt time in and out, by what they deem as a lack in support from those they believe should be supportive. I wanted to avoid the placement of obligation onto those I know. When this latest project catches fire, that’s when I’ll share.

My days have been long; one recent was 21 hours long. I literally woke at 02:30, and forced myself to call it a night minutes after 21:00. Hence, the neglect of publishing here.

Creating breathes life force in me. I don’t feel tired, until part of my body finally gives a subtle sign, then not-so-subtle.

My natural clock is set and wakes me around 05:30 daily. Most mornings I’m find I’m working minutes later. I have to stop and make myself a breakfast smoothie, because I’m aware of the importance of nutrition. Generally, I do eat good foods when I eat, but I have an issue of neglecting to get it in me in a time manner when I’m busy.

The project: Eyes are landing and capturing some attention. I must learn and adapt quickly, because I launched with a contest, and have noooo bites.

Interestingly enough, I’m detached and not feeling emotional that no one appears to be inspired to act. I chock it up to my having realistic expectations. After all this is brand building. I will have to modify the pitch and tone to capture the attention of the intended audience.

I’ll get there. I believe it. This project is benevolent at its core. I firmly believe the persons I intend to reach, will be.

We gon’ see!

Enter stage, muse.

One response to “I AM. Benevolent”

  1. […] Let’s see, benevolence? […]

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